pandemic in the USA. week one

The day the virus came, so did the rain. It hasn't stopped since.

What does one write about when their society is upside down? As a small girl, I would read stories from the poets, the writers, and the historians. They were true tales of normal people who endured extreme hardship. In just a moment, they lost their comfort. They lost their freedom. The life that they had finally learned to partner with disappeared in a moment. I always admired them for their strength.

It had terrified me. War. Disease. Genocide. Uprising. Simple people were doing their best when disaster altered their realities in the tipping of a balance. And I always prayed it would never happen to me.

I think that is the most unsettling thing. When life changes without your permission or foreknowledge. When you wake up one morning and it just FEELS different. There are not really words that can describe what changes. You see the world shifting and there is not much you can do to stop it. Your weekly routine and safe places are damaged. So many questions run through your mind. Will it ever be normal again? Will it get any worse? Will anyone I love die? What are they not telling us? Will I have enough money to survive? Why don't they look at me and smile? Will I have to move? Will I be able to travel again? Am I contagious without realizing it?

It is the end of week one of the Coronavirus in Dallas, Texas. It has been affecting many countries and cities for a while, but not here until now. I had dismissed it because "nothing ever actually happens from these scares." America has had it easy in the past few decades. We have gotten so comfortable. But this disruption has changed people. They are driving differently on the roads. People are more aggressive. When there is a panic I suppose it triggers survival mode. The grocery stores look like trees in the fall. There are a few things left here and there, but it is very bare and picked over. In about 2 days, all of the toilet paper in every store was gone. I am not really sure why everyone took toilet paper; the virus affects your respiratory system. It is hard to see people hoard things for themself when so many are in dire need. Many colleges have closed down and young adults, who are trying to make their place in the world, have been diffused back to their childhood homes. Places where people gather together are being closed too. Social isolation is pushed to ensure the safety of those at high-risk, so many are losing jobs. On top of it all, my generation lives on the internet. We have shared illustrated jokes about everything. It makes me laugh in the moment, but then I feel sorry for making light of a dreadful situation.

I wish we could breathe easier. I wish we would be generous instead of stingy. Even though we are supposed to physically isolated to keep the virus from spreading, I wish we would be more present and intentional. I wish we all had paid time off. Or maybe our rent could be canceled for a few weeks? If the world were ending, I would want us to be more kind. There were people who were hurting before this crisis. Maybe now this will give us the empathy to see them and care for them with open hearts.

We are very blessed. Very. But it is still hard. This could be much worse. And I know we are more fortunate than others. I am in the percentage of the population that is not at high risk from the Coronavirus. That makes me privileged and gives me the responsibility to help those who are less privileged. We have easy access to doctors to help us. We have cheap gas, clean water, and Netflix. We have family and friends. We have co-workers and pets. So for all of that and more, I am grateful. It still hurts. Life still feels different and you cannot change that. I want to cry, run, forget, and fight. I will do my best to love. Whatever love looks like in times like this.

There is hope. Peace and joy are accessible amidst the darkness. I have found myself searching for consistency more than ever. And I have found a consistent friend in Jesus. He will never leave us, and our names are in the palm of His hand.

Here's to waiting for the sunshine, friends. Or rather, knowing that it never left.